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I'll have a booze
Christmas for certain
Yet when the liver
starts a' hurtin'
I'll still have one
more scotch, one more dram, one more drink
Won't mean so much,
dear, with BAC on the brink
And when the bottles
are depleted
And every scotch drop
is defeated
I'll just go buy some
more, at the best whisky store
Oh I'll have a booze,
booze booze booze Christmas
I'll have a booze
Christmas, I'm thinkin'
But it's not just
Christians a' drinkin'
Rabbi Dave's in a
haze, eight bottles, in eight days!
Oh he'll have a
booze, booze booze booze Christmas
We'll all have a
booze, booze booze booze Christmas
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Boozy the Snowman,
was a jolly happy soul,
With a big white ass
and a whisky glass, he was on his third parole
Boozy the Snowman,
was just three balls made of ice
But they poured some
scotch on his button lips, and then Boozy came to life
There must have been
some magic in that whisky glass they poured
For when he got his
first gold sip, well he robbed the liquor store
Oh Boozy the Snowman,
drank as much as he could find
He'd pass out face
first cause he was submersed in three bottles at a time
Chugety Chug Chug,
Chugety Chug Chug
Look at Boozy drink
Chugety Chug Chug,
Chugety Chug Chug
Puking in my sink
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Boozy the Snowman,
claimed he was a guy in need
Beggin' for a buck at
every car and truck. Said he had snowballs to feed
While he was
drinkin', Boozy's snowy liver popped
But a kid named Grant
did quick transplant With a shovel and a mop
One day poor Boozy
leaned against a glowing heater screen
But instead of
melting just a bit, he lit up like kerosene
That's when our
daddy, said that Boozy paid the price
He was quite
concerned that the children learned not to put - fine - scotch - on - ice!
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I'm dreaming tonight
of a place I fear
Even more than I
usually do
December is here and
though family is dear
I promise you
I'll be drunk on
Christmas
You can count on this
Mistletoe, above
scotch rows
Sweet bottles, I plan
to kiss
All the kids are
screaming
Throwing toy at me
I'll be drunk on
Christmas
To cope with family
I'll drink Scotch on
Christmas
As the others feast
While the herd eats
dried up bird
I'll be sloshed by
the tree
Christmas Eve will
find me
Hiding from the glee
I'll have Christmas
spirit
One-twenty ABV
One-twenty ABV
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You're a mean one,
Whisky Grinch
You're from a rotten
cask
Your liver's fully
flooded and
Your heart's an empty
flask
Whisky Grinch!
You're a Japanese run
Bowmore distilled in the '80s
Loaded with soap!
You're a blotto,
Whisky Grinch
You're hammered,
sloshed, and pissed
You threw bottles at
your grandma
'Cause your shotgun
pellets missed
Whisky Grinch!
I wouldn't dram with
you for
thirty nine and a
half scotch malts
You're a drunkard,
Whisky Grinch
You're a bitter
bacchanal
You've gone sottish
with the Scottish
And your throat's a
booze canal
Whisky Grinch!
You're soul is a foul
and blackened cesspool
Filled with Loch Dhu
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You've got an I-V,
Whisky Grinch
With liquor on the
drip
Your forehead's full
of liver spots
that fled the sinking
ship
Whisky Grinch!
The three words that
best describe you
Are as follows, and I
quote,
"Drink, drank,
drunk!"
You're toxic, Whisky
Grinch
You're life's a
scotch assault
You're a binger twixt
your benders
And you've mixed your
blended malt
Whisky Grinch!
If I had a choice
between that crap you mixed, and you yourself
I'd be guzzling up!
You're always
plastered, Whisky Grinch
You really are a
souse.
You're a walking
whisky wasteyard
And a liquor sucking
louse
Whisky Grinch!
You're a Famous
Grouse, Cutty Sark, and Johnnie Red finished in a septic tank
With Dewar's on top!
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